Fair Fighting

  1. Listen, Listen, Listen
  2. Try your best to remain calm.
  3. Do not walk away.   Do not clam up.
  4. Deal with things as they arise and communicate at the earliest appropriate time.
  5. No physical assaults- that includes grabbing and pushing
  6. Own your own feelings
  7. Refrain from blame and shame
  8. No hyperbole-Refrain from exaggerating for effect. Omit words such as “never” and “always” even if this is what it feels like
  9. Take 100% responsibility for your thought, feelings and actions.
  10. Be willing to place HARMONY IN THE RELATIONSHIP above being RIGHT
  11. No threats or actions that cause long-term pain. Avoid statements regarding leaving for good or ending the relationship. This could cause long-term trauma to the relationship
  12. Sticks and stones can break hearts. Words can hurt- or heal
  13. Take responsibility- even if it means laughing at your own foibles. Maturity begins on the day you can laugh at yourself!
  14. Be compassionate towards yourself, your partner and the human predicament.
  15. Take an announced, agreed upon break of a few minutes to a few hours. Sleeping on it really does help give a fresh perspective.
  16. Stay on subject. Refrain from bringing in extraneous history.
  17. Try to walk in the other person’s shoes.  With this powerful technique you can learn so much and become empathetic
  18. Set your own ground rules. Talk about what works for you both.
  19. When all else fails come and see me!